Reality TV….

Guilty as charged! I can’t get enough of it.

There’s something very satisfying to me about the mindless entertainment that reality tv brings. There are times, like when hubby is away on a business trip, or when I have the flu, or when it’s bucketing down outside, or let’s be honest here, any given day of the week when I should be doing housework but can’t be arsed….I’ll turn on the tv, throw myself down on the couch, usually with a cuppa and some junk food of some description (probably a packet of chips) and settle in for a reality tv session and be very, very happy to while away a couple of hours watching any or all of the following….

COPS….The Mac Daddy of reality tv!

I didn’t do it. It wasn’t me. It’s my cousins car. These aren’t my pants. I borrowed it from a friend. I only had 2 beers. I don’t do crack. I didn’t see nuffin’. No man, I’m just walking.

We’ve seen and heard it all on COPS….and so have the cops, but that doesn’t stop criminals from spurting out those excuses over and over. The thing is, they do it with such conviction I am sure they believe the cops will just say, Oh sure, my bad….on your way then young fellow….sorry to bother you.

The truth is, criminals aren’t very smart. It’s no accident that prisons are full to overflowing…..criminals just don’t take the time to think things through….most of them are just plain stupid, bless them. Since March 1989 we have been entertained by COPS, that’s 23 and a half years of stupid criminals and car chases, stop and searches, running through neighbourhoods and jumping fences, hand cuffs and Miranda Rights. Love it. Bring on the next 23 and a half years I say.

Pawn Stars….I love Vegas, all things Vegas, it’s my favourite place on earth and I can’t get enough of it. When you throw a pawn shop into the mix, a perfect combination has been created. I love the dynamics between Rick, The Old Man, Corey and Chum. I love to see what sort of crap people want to sell, I like trying to guess the price of said items, I love the little quiz before the break and I am often surprised that an item, let’s say a book or something that is 200 years old can be only worth $80 but the head off a plastic toy from the 70’s can be worth thousands….and I am jealous of the people that find some widget at a garage sale or in some old attic that ends up being worth a fortune. I love Mark from the museum and his vast knowledge on just about everything….and how’s the dude who checks autographs, he carries in that big case that could contain Gawd only knows what but only ever pulls out a giant magnifying glass just like Sherlock Holmes would have owned, hysterical. Couple all this together with the Vegas setting, the bright lights and a glimpse of the casinos and I am in heaven.

The Real Housewives of……wherever! Of course they aren’t really housewives, not in the definition of any housewife I know. These women don’t actually clean anything or have to try to figure out how to cook a dinner for four people with a $30 budget, they don’t do laundry or pick up dog shit and I can guess that none will ever know the painstakingly ultra boring task of pairing and folding socks week after week.

No….these housewives take private jets to Vegas, they vacation in The Hamptons in their lovely holiday homes, or up in Vale, they take “the girls” for weekends away to far flung Caribbean destinations. Dinner is whatever the housekeeper….or the hired chef cooks. These women are far too busy shopping for things they neither really want nor really need but can afford, so why the hell not, right! There are gallery openings to show up for and charity functions that one simply must been seen to attend, then of course there’s the hour upon hour taken up each summer sorting through party invitations. I mean, how exhausting…..can you imagine?

The unwashed masses can only guess how humiliating and painful it must be being forced to sit in the 2nd row of a runway show at New York Fashion Week, or missing out on the latest Balenciaga handbag and having to go on the list (shock/horror). Then there’s the backstabbing and bitching, I mean with friends like this, who needs enemies….but I’ll be here watching and I’ll send my heartfelt sympathies out to the Universe for them all.

In conclusion, it doesn’t matter if it’s RH of….NYC, DC, Jersey, Vancouver, Beverly Hills or Miami….you can count me in.

Amazing Race….Love it. I love the places they visit, I love the bitching and backstabbing between teams, I love the underhandedness some contestants will take to sabotage another teams efforts. I love the challenges and I love cheering for my favourite team.

I have spent more than enough time devising a plan to ensure victory should I ever become a contestant. The plan is simple….and after more than10 years of episode watching up my sleeve, I have come to the conclusion that there is really only one thing you need to do to ensure victory…..READ THE CLUE. Sounds simple enough right? Apparently not! It seems the teams are always in such a hurry to get to the next challenge or airport or pit stop that they forget to read the bloody clue properly. So, my advice to all future contestants out there is, take an extra 2 or 3 mins now, read the clue….now read it again until you understand what it is you are supposed to be doing….this will save you hours later when you would have rushed off in haste, miles and miles in the wrong direction!

Keeping up with the Kardashians…. Kris, Bruce, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Rob, Kylie and Kendall. We then add in Scott and Lamar along with whomever Kim is shagging or marrying this week and little Mason and Penelope and I’m totally enthralled following the day to day lives of this clan….or should that be Klan, with a K?

I’m not sure why or how this family became famous but I’m glad they did! It takes sweet business savvy to turn one’s 15 mins of fame into a multimillion dollar empire. There’s the reality show, the shops, the shoes, the perfumes, the make-up….it goes on and on and on. Good luck to them. If I could flog all that crap for 7 years and make basquillions (is that a real word? If not….copyright pending), then I would. Wouldn’t you?

Don’t even get me started on Judge Judy or Jerry Springer, throw in Hells Kitchen or Master Chef and you’ve tipped me over the edge.

Two thumbs up to reality tv. Mindless and sometimes mind numbing entertainment at it’s best. Or as I like to say….as it should be.